i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
