I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
