Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
