the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
