the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
