she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
