I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
