There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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