Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
