I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My hand turned me down
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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