After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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