Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
