The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
