exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
