You're completely useless in the revolution.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
