Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Small penises have feelings too.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
