We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
