I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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