he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
