i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
