his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
