Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
