This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
