Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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