he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
jump out the window naked night went bad
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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