Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you never un-have a 4some
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
