I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
