Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
