OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
