we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
