After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your shirt... Was in my pants
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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