eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
