i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
