soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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