This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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