It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize