Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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