He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm both gender and math confused
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
