Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
