She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
