Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
