Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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