hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
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I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I believe in your delicious
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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