WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
