if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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