Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
