I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
