I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Come on in and take your pants off
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