how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
