Need sex. Gaining weight.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
