No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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