why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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