i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We have started to decorate penises.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
