if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
