And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
