WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
