The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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