...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
