ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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