My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
