She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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