He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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