All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I supernannyed him into submission
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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