y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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