So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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