you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
