Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
