so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
