Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
