There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
