tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
